Angel
by CityGirl7768
Summary: Olivia and Barba's relationship changes in a moment. Barson!
1. Calling all Angels

**Author's Note: Don't worry I haven't given up on my other story I just this idea in my head and it will not leave until I write it. All the title's will be song titles it's not necessary to listen to them and these are not song fic's but it will add to the story if you listen to them or if you've heard them. Also if the tags were unclear this is a Barson fanfiction. I love them. Read and enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer-Dick wolf owns the characters.**

 **Chapter:1 –Calling all Angels**

Rafael Barba lay in his bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. This week had been long and intense. He rolled around in bed. Tossing and turning trying anything to get comfortable. He finally threw the covers back and his feet hit the floor. He grabbed his rob and his phone officially giving up on sleep for the night.

He walked out of his bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen. Glancing up at the clock he realized he had spent almost two hours trying to fall asleep but it wasn't going to happen. He sauntered to the counter and started the coffee. It would be a long day. He had multiple trials to prep for and the squad was working double time trying to make up for Benson's absence.

Olivia had slowly worked her way deeper and deeper into his heart. They had worked so well together. Over the last year or so things had changed. They had gotten more coffee, midnight take away. They had spent late nights in his office reviewing cases but inevitably getting completely off topic. Finding themselves laughing so hard they were crying.

They had also shared deep and painful parts of their pasts with one another. He didn't know if he knew anyone as well as he knew Oliva. And he was sure that no one else knew him like she did.

They had developed an almost silent language. It was buried in quick glances, postures, smiles and quick wit.

He had realized months ago that she was always' on his mind. She had become the reason he wanted to go to work. The reason he wanted to get the bad guy. Not so much to impress her but more to feel worthy of her.

He had pulled away from her. Some silly fight arguing on the same side and just not seeing it. It's was after that fight though that He realized how empty his life was when he didn't see her every day. When he wasn't seeing her every morning for coffee. He was in love with her; madly in love with her.

He wanted to talk to her. Check in and see how she was doing.

He picked up his phone. She probably wasn't sleeping either. He dialed her number. His mind raced back a week ago. He hadn't see her since that day. He didn't know what to say to here.

****One week earlier

Court house

The courtroom was full of people. They sat silently waiting to hear the verdict on the man who had raped a woman and then shot three people who had been in the area when the police came to arrest him. They would all live. He had been charged with one count of Rape in the first and three counts of attempted murder.

Barba held his composure as the jury filed in and took their seats. This case on the surface had been a slam dunk. Witnesses to the shooting, DNA on the rape victim. Unfortunately for the Squad and more specifically Barba, the defendant Josh Maddison had money. He hired the best legal team to spin every possible Defense. He was crazy, then he was ill then he was under emotional distress. Then there had been conspiracy's that the police had singled him out. Experts to testify that the DNA could have belonged to someone else.

The moment that Barba had received the case it had turned into a living nightmare. The whole squad was in the court room they wanted to this guy go down. Barba gained some strength knowing that Olivia sat behind him. They had a connection. They backed each other's play's they were in each other's corner. The rest of the squad had begun to feel like a family. They would all go out to the bar after a hard day talk and enjoy one another's company. It was comforting to know that although we each walked alone in this dark world we had chosen; we weren't forced to endure each horror alone.

The jury foreman stood opened the paper looked to the judge.

"Have you come to a verdict?" The Judge asked

"We have your Honor. In the First count Rape in the first we find the defendant Guilty." The jury foreman paused as the gallery cheered and the defendant and his supporters yelled that he had been framed.

"Order, order" The Judge said slamming his gavel down

The room quieted and the attention returned to the jury foreman.

"In the Second, third and fourth count of attempted murder in the first we find the defendant guilty."

The court room exploded with yells and cheers.

Barba turned to the squad. He looked at all of them. They smiled and stood. They formed a half circle around him on the other side of the divider.

"Good job councilor" Amanda said with a smile

"Yeah man, ya did good" Fin added

" you pulled it off." Carisi spoke placing a hand on the Barba's shoulder

"Drinks tonight to celebrate? My treat." Nick offered looking around to everyone who responded with smiles and nods.

The courtroom had been cleared and now only the six of them. They gathered their belongings and headed to the door. Small talk ensued promises off meeting up at their regular haunt later that night and they all parted way's at the top of the courthouse steps.

Now Barba stood alone looking down the steps. There was a mob of reporters and Ray's supporters at the foot of the steps. Joining them was the Ray's lawyer undoubtable saying that they would appeal the case and such.

Barba's eyes swept the steps and he saw Olivia cutting away from the crowd just then multiple shots rang out and as though the air had been ripped from him he water in terror as Olivia collapsed as frantic people swarmed in every direction trying to get away from the shots.

Barba dropped his briefcase and ran like a mad man down the steps towards Olivia.

" No,No,NO!" Barba screamed as he came to Olivia's side.

His body crumpled down next to her. He cradled her body in his arm's

" Olivia, Oliva hold on." He panted out. Barba looked up and pointed to a young man looking on at the scene

" Call 911 Now!" He ordered. The man quickly responded and called for help.

Olivia started to cough and brought Barba's eyes quickly back to the bleeding woman in his arms.

"It's okay Liv help is coming" He said looking down into her eye's.

He laid her down. He realizing he needed to stop the bleeding. He quickly pulled her jacket back and located the bullet wound. He pulled his scarf from his neck and forced it down on the wound. Olivia shrieked out in pain. Her face contorted.

"I'm sorry Liv, I'm sorry."

She only nodded. She knew he needed to slow the bleeding.

Olivia's head tipped slightly back just as the ambulance could be heard approaching.

"Liv…Olivia. It's okay they're coming just hold on."

Olivia's head tipped forward. She swallowed hard clearing her throat.

"I'm scared." Her voice was barely a whisper

Barba's eyes grew wide this was fearless Olivia. She wasn't scared of anything.

"It's okay Olivia. I'm right here. I'm not going to let go." He said lacing his fingers in hers and continuing to hold her hand.

" Don't let do. Don't give up."

Barba was shocked by this he wasn't giving up he was terrified by the blood she was losing but he wasn't giving up.

" I wont give up, If you don't give up." He squeezed her hand tightly and a sad smile spread across his lips.

*****Forward a week

Barba held the phone to his ear pouring the hot coffee into his mug. It rang once, twice, three times. He began to wonder if she was actually sleeping. It was four in morning but she was supposed to be released from the hospital today. He hadn't visited while she was there. He hated hospitals but he had called her almost every day.

It rang again and he heard the phone stop ringing and a sweet voice came from the other end.

"Hello" She said

"Hey, I didn't wake you did I? He asked quietly. Hoping if he had awoken her she wouldn't wake up to much with their middle of the night conversation

" No, I couldn't sleep. I've lost a lot of sleep this week." She said slightly sighing

"Yeah, I know. How long are they putting you on leave for?" Barba inquired.

"A month." She said another long sigh followed. Barba knew she didn't like not being able to go to work.

"I know you don't like it but it'll give you a chance to rest." He said trying to cheer here up.

"Yeah I don't know if I'll be able to stay away that long. I've only been home a day and already feeling a touch of cabin fever." She said with a small laugh. Barba could see her smile even over the phone.

Barba sighed and took a deeper breath. He's brow furrowed and he felt his stomach knot up.

"Listen Olivia, I know we haven't really talked about it but…I'm so sorry." There was a small choke at the end of statement.

Only silence answered. He waited a moment and then pulled his phone away from his ear. The screen lite up and showed that she was still there. He returned the phone to his ear. He began to worry. He hadn't meant to upset her but he needed her to know.

"Olivia. I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." He said trying to back pedal slightly.

Barba then heard a sigh.

"It's alright. I'm just not ready." She said quietly. Sorrow in her voice but to relief it didn't sound like she was crying.

"Ok, well I'm always here." He said with conviction in his voice.

"I know. You're not letting go." She replied

"No, I'm not. I care too much." Barba said almost not thinking.

When he realized what he had said he was almost in shock. He loved Olivia. And He would do anything for her. But he hadn't meant to come off so forward in a late night phone call.

Before he had a chance to say anything else she began to talk again.

"You should probably get going it's almost time for you to be at the office." She said

Barba's eyes snapped back to the clock. He was sure he must be wrong. It couldn't be passed five at this point. To his disbelief the clock read seven thirty. His heart jumped into his throat. He did need to get off the phone. He didn't want to but he needed to.

"you're right. I better go but I'll call later. Ok?" Barba said

"Sounds good, Have a good day Rafael." She said

Barba's ear's pricked at his name on her lips. It was unfamiliar, but he liked it.

"Get some sleep. I lo….I hope you have a good day too Olivia." Barba said with a quick correction.

Olivia hung up first. Barba set his phone down. He rubbed his face. He felt like he was losing his mind. He had almost told Olivia he loved her. He wanted more than anything to tell her. But at the right time in the right way.

Barba stood and headed to his room to quickly get ready. His head was still spinning.

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	2. Bulletproof Angel

Author Note: So the first time I heard the song Bulletproof Angel by The Goo Goo Dolls I was thinking of this in my head. I'm not sure if anyone else will see it but if you haven't heard the song listen to it close your eyes and think Olivia Benson. Tell me it doesn't give you a chill.

Anyway hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 2: Bulletproof Angel

Barba spent his day's working quietly in his office. He avoided the squad room and the squad somehow successfully. He didn't wanted to work with them right now. They were always disorganized when Olivia was away. Fin had taken charge of the unit. And as far as he knew they were mostly working on old cases.

He made nightly calls to Olivia. The one highlight of his day. She always sounded happy to hear from him. But it had started to hurt his heart that the last time he had seen her had been almost three weeks ago. He kept trying to go over. But he would then mentally kick himself knowing that only two weeks ago he had almost slipped up on the phone.

There conversations these past weeks had mostly been him telling her about his day. What he had for lunch. The meeting he had. She didn't talk much about what she was doing. He assumed she didn't want to talk about sitting around in her apartment, so he never brought it up.

He looked down at his case files realizing he had spent half the day daydreaming about Olivia instead of actually working. The day was over now anyway. And although there were several things he needed to get done he felt no urgency to do them.

Barba stood from his chair and began to shuffle his papers together. Placing them in the correct folder and then shoving them into his briefcase. He laid his briefcase down on his desk and walked behind his chair and grabbed his jacket. He put it on and grabbed his briefcase and made his way out of his office.

He walked down the hall and then down the stairs. He needed to drop off a file for one of the judges. He had avoided the court house. He had no trial prep and no cases set to go to trial until next months. As much as he dreaded leaving his office and going to the court house he set off in that direction.

When he reached the court house he slipped into the side door. He dropped off the file and quickly made his way out of the court house. Unfortunately it was inevitable to come out anywhere but where he had been standing almost three weeks ago.

Barba closed his eyes for just a moment as he stepped out of the court house. A cool early winter breeze rushed over him. Goosebumps ran over his body. He opened his eyes and looked down the court house steps.

His eyes scanned the steps and froze in one spot. Her back was too him. Her jacket pulled tight and her dark brown hair swirling in the wind. He couldn't see her face. But it was her. He knew it was. The color of her hair. The way she stood. It was her.

Her head was tilted slightly. She was looking up. Maybe at the building across the street. Or perhaps at the sky. It was grey today but a strange color of grey for this part of the year. Almost a white grey. A shocking white. Like the sun was trying to break through the winter clouds.

She was beautiful. Barba was in complete aw of her. He watched her for a moment. Watched the way her hair danced around her. He also watched the way everyone else around her buzzed past too busy with their day. Staring at their feet. But he saw her.

She was something to see. She had a glow to her. It was her personality. He had noticed it the first day they had met. She pushed his buttons and he pushed hers. Yet somehow it was always for the best. He felt like he not only become a different person knowing her, but a better person, a better lawyer, a better man. He looked at the people he represented. Not just the case number. He knew the victims, knew their families. He got to know their stories. Not just the facts of the case. He wanted to win for them. Not just to win for the sake of winning. She had opened his eyes to all of that.

His heart raced. What was she doing here? He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He had no missed calls and no texts. He always called her; at least these last few weeks. She never wanted to interrupt his day. He had always insisted that she wouldn't interrupt his day and that if she ever needed anything just to call.

To his slight horror he realized she was standing in the same spot she had been when she had been shot. He gathered himself and quickly made his way down to her.

When Barba reached her he reached a hand out and touched her shoulder. She turned and smiled at him. It was a beautiful and brilliant smile. Even her eyes smiled. They seemed to light up even more when she saw him.

"Hey." She said

"Hey yourself. What are you doing here?" He said his voice a mix of concern and joy.

"Needed some fresh air…figured I'd come and see if you wanted to get a coffee?" Her words are light and seem to float through the air.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Come on I'll buy you a cup. How long have you been out here? You must be freezing." Barba said as he ran his arm around her back and guided her down the rest of the steps and on to the side walk.

It was something he had never done; At least with her. They hadn't had much physical contact. But somehow this seemed right. She didn't pull away or tense up so he left his arm wrapped around her as they ducked into a diner just pasted the court house.

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	3. My Special Angel

Author Note: Kind a fluffy little chapter. If you haven't heard The song My special Angel by Bobby helms I suggest listening to it at some point. It'll make you smile especially with this chapter.

Chapter 3: My Special Angel

Despite its close proximity from the court house Barba had never been in. It was a quiet 50's style dinner. Complete with old advertisements hanging from the walls and more red vinyl and chrome edging then you could shake a stick at.

It was mostly empty. An older gentleman sat at the counter and a waitress with curly blond hair and bright red lipstick stood in front of him talking. She looked up and smiled. She gesture towards them telling to seat themselves. They walked a little ways in and sat at a booth. Barba looked around the diner the walls. They were covered in what he could only call interesting conversation starters.

Standing at the far end of the diner was an old jukebox. Music played softly from it. loud enough to be heard but not too loud to be annoying. All of the music was 50's and it was mostly upbeat.

Barba looked across the table at Olivia and smiled. There eyes' met and she smiled back. The waitress quickly made her way to their table.

"Two cups of coffee please." Barba said

The waitress looked at him for a moment wrote down his order and walked away. She returned a moment later with to hot cups of coffee.

"There ya go hun enjoy." She said with a quick smile before returning to the counter and her conversation.

Barba's attention quickly turned back to Olivia.

"How are you doing?" He asked her, raising his cup. His eye brows slightly knitted together. He had been worried about her.

" Fine. I'm not in pain you can stop looking at me like that." She said in a reassuring tone. Raising her cup as well and taking a sip.

Barba relaxed a little.

"Still, how have things been?" He asked in a slightly more calm tone. Implying two friends catching up rather than the worry that was clearly written all over his face.

"Fine, I miss you, and the squad. I miss work. I feel trapped. I want to move on but I just can't seem to." Her voice now striking a slightly worried tone.

"Well you only have another week. It's not too much." Barba said reaching across the table and covering her hand with his. Her hand was cold. And he ran his thumb back and forth over it trying to warm it but also trying to be comforting.

Olivia smiled at the contact.

"You're really cold. How long were you out there waiting for me?" Barba said moving his eyes from their hands back to Olivia's eyes.

"Not long. I've been cold a lot lately."

"Probably from the blood loss. You'll warm back up. Might just have to wait to thaw out with the city in the spring." He said with a slight chuckle.

Olivia smiled.

"Yeah your probably right" She replied

Barba looked at Olivia. This wasn't the time to tell her. He knew that. But he felt like a school boy with a big surprise he wanted to just blurt it out; especially now. Holding her hand watching her fiddle with her cup and bit her lower lip. He hand never seen someone who could captivate him with just the smallest of actions. But she could.

Olivia looked up at Barba.

"You're staring." She said with a slight giggle.

Barba blushed and looked away.

"It's fine. What's on your mind." She said trying to reassure him

"Oh…um…" He stuttered. He didn't want to tell her what he had been thinking. It was not only unprofessional but it was also embarrassing.

"Come on Rafael tell me what you're thinking." She said slightly teasing him.

'There it was again.' Barba thought to himself. His first name on her lips. This time she was sitting right in front of him. He felt like warm melting butter. His heart rate tripled. The corners of his mouth turned up and his cheeks flushed with red.

"I…I um…I was wondering if I could make you dinner…sometime…" Barba managed to mutter out.

Barba looked up at Olivia. She had a bright smile on her face and a pink tint to her cheeks.

"That sounds wonderful." She said with a nod.

Barba tried to recomposes himself. He removed his hand from hers. Then ran it over his face and took the last sip of his coffee. His eyes looked back to her. She giggled slightly.

"How about a week from tonight. It'll be the night before you go back to work. You'll get a nice meal. And I'll make sure your home in time to get a good night's rest before work. I'll even come pick you up." Barba said in a rushed yet giddy tone. He was exited she had agreed.

"I think I can get myself to and from, but a week from tonight sounds good to me." She said with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan." He was grinning so hard it was almost painful.

Barba stood and walked to the counter to pay the tab. As he walked back he began to hum to himself. He was humming along to the song emanating from the jukebox.

When he reached the table he held out his hand and she took it. He helped her to her feet and they headed for the door.

Just as they reach the door and Barba pulled it open for them to walk through he felt Olivia's hand slip into his and lace her fingers with his. She didn't look back at him they just silently exited the diner and then stood there hold hands. They turned and looked at each other for a moment then Olivia pulled her hand away.

Barba's smile slightly fell. Secretly he wondered if this beautiful woman felt the same way for him That he felt for her. Wondered if there would ever be a time when things would work out that way.

"I better get going. I've got a lot to get done." Barba said.

"Okay" she replied

She moved her body close to his and wrapped her arms around him. Barba was momentarily shocked but quickly responded hugging her back. He held her tight in his arms he never wanted to let go. But as he felt her move slightly he released her. Once again he was staring at her. This time however she was staring back. Their eyes were locked. And for a moment it felt like only the two of them existed. No one else on the busy New York side walk was even there. She broke the eye contact first looking down at the ground and slightly biting her lip.

"I'll see you later." She said with a smile.

"Next week." He responded

Olivia laughed softly and nodded.

"I'll call you tonight okay? Get home safely." He said.

She nodded again, and began to walk away. He watched her for few moments before she melted away into the crowd on the street then he turned the other way. He smiled brightly to himself. And began to hum again. Still slightly being able to hear the music from the dinner.


	4. How Do you Talk to An Angel

Authors note: The song is How Do You Talk To An Angel by The Heights.

Chapter 4: How Do You Talk To an Angel

Barba franticly paced his apartment. Tonight was the night. They had talked last night and she was planning on coming over at seven. He had cleaned his entire apartment, down to the smallest detail. Everything had to go perfect.

He glanced at the clock it was five to seven she would be here any minute. He felt silly being this nervous. They'd had plenty of meals together before this one. All be it not quite like this one. There meals usually came out of some sort of wrapper or box. And they were eaten around one or the others desk while discussing a case.

Tonight would be different. He remembered Olivia talking about how much she loved Italian food so that's what he had made; nothing fancy. He had grilled some chicken and made noodles and Alfaro sauce as well as some garlic toast and a light salad. He had also picked out a nice wine to go with their dinner.

He glanced in the mirror again. He ruffled his hair slightly giving it some volume. It looked to formal and to glued down. He straightened his tie and his shirt. Then turned to triple check his apartment. The kitchen table was set and all the cooking dishes had already been washed. The serving dishes sat on the table which had candle light and some roses on it. He hoped he hadn't gone too overboard with the mood setting. But he wanted to come off as romantic.

He hoped she had dressed up. Although he had never specified. He didn't really care. She could have shown up in a brown paper bag and looked beautiful to him. He only hoped that she enjoyed tonight. Enjoyed being with him. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He hoped she would not reject him but it was always a possibility. He ran a dangerous line right now. She was his closest friend. She was also a coworker and if tonight went poorly things could go very sour in the rest of his life.

A quick rapping on his door pulled him from his thoughts. He sucked in a deep breath and walked to the door. He opened it slowly and there she stood.

Olivia was wearing a long black coat open in the front over a tight fitting black dress. Her hair was down and slightly wavy. She wore black high heels and her gold necklace. The word on it defined her.

Her dress was short but not to short and it was low cut yet still classy. He just stood there staring at her. She was beautiful. He looked at her beautiful face. It was a face he saw in his mind every day. He knew every detail of it; Every freckle every laugh line.

"Are you going to invite me in?" Olivia finally spoke after standing in the open door for a while Barba just stared.

Barba's face blushing bright red and he stepped aside.

"I'm so sorry…I…I Just…You look beautiful Olivia." He said to her as she walked by and he closed the door.

" Thank you" Olivia said.

He turned his attention back to her. Her back was too him and she looked around the apartment.

"You've got a nice place." She said with a smile as she turned back to face him.

"Thank you." He choked out still trying to recover.

Olivia shrugged off her coat and Barba took it from her and hung it in the closet.

"Are you ready for dinner?" he asked

"Yes" She responded

Barba walked closer to her and reached out for her hand. She allowed him to take it and lead her into the dimly lit kitchen. He led her to her seat and then took her seat across from her.

She smiled across the table at him. He knew he had down this right.

They each dished up their food and ate. They sipped their wine and had light conversation about the day, nothing heavy or to deep. When the meal was done Barba cleared the table. When he was done he walked back to Olivia once again holding out his hand. It was a romantic gesture but at the same time had become familiar. He knew what her hand would feel like in his. And he cherished every moment that their hands touched.

They walked into the living room with their wine in hand and sat on the couch. Not to close together but also not very far apart.

"Thank you for the meal. It was delicious." Olivia said with smile.

"Your welcome." Barba replied.

"Would you like to listen to some music?" he offered.

She nodded. He grabbed a remote from the coffee table and aimed it at a box on the wall next to an electric 'fire place' and soft music slowly filled the room.

Barba turned back to Oliva. She was stunning. Barba set down his glace of wine on the coffee table next to Olivia's and shifted slightly so he was facing her. He reached out and took her hands and stood up pulling her along with him.

They walked to a fairly empty corner of the room.

"What are we doing?" Olivia asked with a slight laugh.

Barba kept his left hand around her right hand and swiftly slid his right around her back. He didn't hold her to close. But she quickly understood and allowed her hand to rest on his shoulder.

Barba slowly lead them in a swaying dance in the small space. They danced to a few songs and Olivia and Barba kept eye contact the whole time. Not a word spoken between them their eyes and there bodies were doing the talking tonight.

As the next song started Barba felt Olivia's hand move to the back of his neck. She lightly ran her fingers through the short hair at the back of his head. A slight thrill ran through Barba. He smiled a little brighter. And she returned the smile.

He pulled her closer little by little until their bodies where touching. Olivia leaned her head against Barba shoulder as they kept dancing. Barba's heart was leaping for joy. He had never been happier in his life.

He pulled away from her slightly and their eyes met again. This time he did not keep the eye contact. His eyes bounced between her eyes and her lips; Soft sweet inviting lips. He tilted his head slightly and moved, closing the distance between them and planting a small kiss on her lips.

He was thrilled when he felt her kiss him back. They broke apart a moment later. They looked into each other eyes. She leaned in a kissed him again; A short a sweet kiss.

When she pulled away they were both smiling.

"Let's sit down; I'm starting to feel the wine." He said motioning for the couch.

Olivia giggled lightly and they walked back to the couch. This time when they sat down they were sitting close together. Barba's arm was wrapped around her should her. Her fingers played with the hem of her dress.

Barba looked her over. She was nervous. She was bushing and she was looking away from him slightly biting her lip.

"Liv?" he said a slight crack in his voice

She didn't look at him.

"Olivia?" He tried again. His fingers tracing small circles on the top of her exposed arm.

He reached his other hand out catching her chin with his index finger and tilting her head up and towards him.

She looked into his eyes. He felt his heart melt.

"I love you Olivia." He said using all of his strength to keep his voice from shaking.

She just looked at him. A flash of joy and one of deep sorrow flashed in her eyes. Barba held his breath he didn't know what to do. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on hers. Moving the fingers from her chin to lightly cup her cheek.

"I want you to know that. " He said in a slight whisper.

He held his breath again waiting for a response. His heart was pounding in his chest so loud he was certain she must be able to hear it.

She pulled away brown eyes meeting green. She just looked at him for a moment.

"I love you too Rafael." She smiled lightly leaned back in and kissed him again.

Barba's heart was soaring.

Her lips were soft on his and he felt her tongue run along the seam of his lips. It was driving him crazy. His lips parted slightly allowing her tongue to slip into his mouth. His hand remained on her check while his other hand slid down her back slightly.

Barba pulled her forward and on top him his back now on his couch and Olivia half laying on him half laying on the couch.

She smiled up at him kissing him again and then resting her head on his chest.

"I don't want to leave." Her voice was quiet and slightly sad.

His arm still lay on her back. He slowly rubbed it. Then he took the hand resting on his chest in his hand. He brought it to his lips and lightly kissed each finger.

"Then don't leave." Barba said. He looked down at the beautiful woman lying on his chest. She simply smiled and nuzzled his chest slightly.

Barba watched as her eyes closed and her breathing became steady. He lay there watching her sleep for a while. He then smiled to himself. This moment was perfect. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted to sleep.

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	5. Angels on the Moon

Chapter 5: Angels on the moon

When Barba woke up Olivia was gone. Barba looked at the clock in the kitchen it was early but today was Olivia's first day back and she had probably wanted to get a jump on the day.

He sat up rubbing his face. He moved his feet from the couch onto the flood. The empty bottle of wine still sitting on the coffee table the glasses were gone. He smiled to himself. Last night had been amazing.

He stood from the couch and mad his way to the bathroom. He stripped off his clothing and got into the shower. He stood under the warm water. He couldn't wash the smile off of his face. Things were turning around in his life. He couldn't remember a time he felt so happy.

When he was showered and dressed he gathered his belonging and left his apartment. He got to his car and made his drive through the busy New York city streets. When he arrived at his office he still had the silliest smile on his face. He couldn't get Olivia off of his mind.

He walked into the building and greeted everyone he passed. Today was a good day and no one and nothing would take that away from him. He wanted the joy he was feeling to fill his day. When he made it to his office he had a message waiting for him. SVU had caught a case this morning and requested he come to the office.

He placed the not on his desk took a deep breath and sighed. Things were back to normal. He turned quickly and left his office just moments after arriving. When he got to the ground floor he decided to walk despite the cold weather.

He passed a floral shop and a wonderful idea entered his mind. He opened the door and walked inside.

He looked around briefly and saw exactly what he wanted. He grabbed the bouquet of a dozen red roses, paid for them and promptly left. He continued his walk. The smile grew ever bigger as he reached the precinct. He hoped he was not being to forword bringing her flowers into the office. But he quickly removed the thought from his mind. He loved her and he didn't care who knew it.

As he took the elevator up to the right floor he quickly checked his breath and straightened his tie. The door's opened with a small dig and he stepped out into the hall.

As he looked around he noticed how quiet it was. Almost painfully quiet. He turned and began walking taward the door of the squad room. To his surprise he saw Nick exit the squad room just befor barba had reached the door.

Nicks face was long. He looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks. He had a light shadow of stubble on his face and dark circles under his eyes. He clearly hadn't been sleeping. As Barba approached him he also noted The black band wrapped around his gold shield That hung from his hip.

"Nick." Barba called to him.

Nicks head popped up at the sound of his name. He watched as Barba made his way to two men were now standing together.

Barba noted that Nicks eyes were brimmed in red as if he had been crying.

"Hey councilor. Are you here for the case?" Nick said flatly

"Um…Yes I got the note…is Liv in her office?" Barba asked. The smile that had been on his face since the moment he woke up was gone. It had been replaced with deep concern.

Nicks face twisted with sorrow and confusion. He shook his head.

Barba became increasingly worried and confused. Where was she? She should have been to work by now.

"Wh…Where is she?" Barba chocked out his breath speed up then suddenly stopped.

Nick's eye brows knitted together and his eyes filled with tears. He reached his hand out a placed it on Barba's shoulder.

"She…She's gone…" Nick said as the tears began to slid down his face.

Barba couldn't feel his legs. His mind was racing. 'no, no, no.' his mind repeated over and over again. The roses feel from his hand. Tears raced down his face.

"No…no that can't be right." Barba mumbled through his tears.

Nick just watched the man freeze up.

" She died Barba…she died a month ago. She was shot…remember?" Nick said in short choppy breaths.

Barba shook his head as the images came flying back to him.

****One month ago.

Barba turned to the squad. He looked at all of them. They smiled and stood. They formed a half circle around him on the other side of the divider.

"Good job councilor" Amanda said with a smile

"Yeah man, ya did good" Fin added

" you pulled it off." Carisi spoke placing a hand on the Barba's shoulder

"Drinks tonight to celebrate? My treat." Nick offered looking around to everyone who responded with smiles and nods.

The courtroom had been cleared and now only the six of them. They gathered their belongings and headed to the door. Small talk ensued promises off meeting up at their regular haunt later that night and they all parted way's at the top of the courthouse steps.

Now Barba stood alone looking down the steps. There was a mob of reporters and Ray's supporters at the foot of the steps. Joining them was the Ray's lawyer undoubtable saying that they would appeal the case and such.

Barba's eyes swept the steps and he saw Olivia cutting away from the crowd just then multiple shots rang out and as though the air had been ripped from him he water in terror as Olivia collapsed as frantic people swarmed in every direction trying to get away from the shots.

Barba dropped his briefcase and ran like a mad man down the steps towards Olivia.

" No,No,NO!" Barba screamed as he came to Olivia's side.

His body crumpled down next to her. He cradled her body in his arm's

" Olivia, Oliva hold on." He panted out. Barba looked up and pointed to a young man looking on at the scene

" Call 911 Now!" He ordered. The man quickly responded and called for help.

Olivia started to cough and brought Barba's eyes quickly back to the bleeding woman in his arms.

"It's okay Liv help is coming" He said looking down into her eye's.

He laid her down. He realizing he needed to stop the bleeding. He quickly pulled her jacket back and located the bullet wound. He pulled his scarf from his neck and forced it down on the wound. Olivia shrieked out in pain. Her face contorted.

"I'm sorry Liv, I'm sorry."

She only nodded. She knew he needed to slow the bleeding.

Olivia's head tipped slightly back just as the ambulance could be heard approaching.

"Liv…Olivia. It's okay they're coming just hold on."

Olivia's head tipped forward. She swallowed hard clearing her throat.

"I'm scared." Her voice was barely a whisper

Barba's eyes grew wide this was fearless Olivia. She wasn't scared of anything.

"It's okay Olivia. I'm right here. I'm not going to let go." He said lacing his fingers in hers and continuing to hold her hand.

" Don't let do. Don't give up."

Barba was shocked by this he wasn't giving up he was terrified by the blood she was losing but he wasn't giving up.

" I wont give up, If you don't give up." He squeezed her hand tightly and a sad smile spread across his lips.

Barba held her hand tightly it grew cold.

"Liv? Olivia!" Barba screamed

Olivia looked at him; Fear and pain written all over her face.

"Please Olivia. I love you…I Love you" He choked out. tears were running down his face.

Barba leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lips.

A small sad smile was on Olivia's face when he pulled away.

"I…I love you too." She said, her voice trailing to a whisper.

Her head fell back and her eyes closed.

"NO! NO! Olivia! Please don't leave." Barba cried out.

He held onto her hand tightly. He wouldn't let go. He couldn't. His body rocked as he sobbed over his friend.

He felt hands on his shoulders pulling him away.

He looked up to see the squad. Fin and Nick were pulling him away as the paramedics rushed to her.

He couldn't feel his legs. He knew he was standing. But he was completely numb.

He beautiful body lay there cold as paramedics raced around her. A river of blood ran down the steps of the courthouse. The sharp contrast of the white steps and the crimson was enough to make him lose it.

The silent sobs became very vocal. All he could do was scream her name over and over. She couldn't be gone. She just couldn't be. He loved her. If she was dead he wanted to die right then. He didn't want to live without her.

****Present

Barba's world came back to focus. He found himself walking aimlessly through the city. His face was wet with tears. A steady stream continued to flow down his face. He couldn't breathe. He was completely numb. He couldn't feel the cold wind on his face he couldn't hear the traffic speeding past him.

He didn't know where he was going. He just kept walking.

When he came to the gate of the cemetery his body knew where he was going. His mind was racing. He could see her face hear her voice. He knew her.

When he reached his destination he collapsed. He sobbed hard. He couldn't breathe. The cold, hard ground under him was the only thing connecting him to the real world.

" I love you." He said finally sitting up. He looked at the cold grey slab in front of him.

 **Olivia Marie Benson**

 **Jan. 23, 1964-Nov.2, 2015**

 **Beloved Friend**

Above her name was a pair of angel wings.

His angel.

He sat there for a long time. Just staring at the stone.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look up. Nick stood there behind him. The roses hang lose in his hand. He handed them to Barba.

Barba placed them in front of the Headstone. He stood up. His legs were wobbly. The two men stood there for a moment. No words.

"I guess I just couldn't let her go." Barba said quietly.

Nick simply nodded.

"She loved you." Nick added as he turned to walk away.

Both men walked together yet alone out of the Cemetery. Their heads hung low and their hearts heavy.


	6. Angel

**Author Note: Angel – Sarah McLachlan**

 **Chapter 6: Angel**

Barba sat in his dark apartment. He held a glass of scotch in one hand and Olivia's photo in the other. He remembered everything now. He didn't want to believe it. But he couldn't forget now no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't force the event out of his head. They were unbending facts now. He had to except it.

She was gone. She had bled to death in his arms on the steps of the court house. He had spent the first week after her death locked in his apartment. He was unable to except she was gone. He had gone to her funeral. Stood there with the squad. When he got home he tried to sleep but he couldn't he had sat in his kitchen all night. He his mind changed the details. He couldn't handle her being gone. He thought he had been calling her. Talking to her every night. He had been talking to the walls. The silence the only response.

He had avoid the court house; Moving cases to other prosecutors. He couldn't handle going back. The day he finally went. He was forced to face the spot where her heart had stopped beating. The place he had lost the love of his life.

He imagined her standing there. She had been wearing the clothing she had been shot in. he had only replayed what he thought looking down at her moments before the shooting.

He had walked to the diner and sat their alone. Talking to himself. Thinking how he wished he could have had a life with her. Told her in the right moment he loved her. Told her how much she meant to him. Instead he had to tell her as she died. She had used her last words to tell him she loved him too.

After the day in the diner he was convinced she was still with him. They had sat and had coffee. And before he lost her again he was going to tell her he loved her.

He cleaned his whole apartment, made diner and once again sat down with her. Ate the meal, drank the wine. They had talked and danced. They had kissed and told each other that they loved each other. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Really he had drank a whole bottle of wine to himself and passed out in his clothing on the couch.

Yet somehow until the moment Nick said she was gone. He had believed his fantasy. He had believed things were right.

Barba took a moment from his thoughts and refilled his scotch. He looked at the picture he held. She was smiling. Her chocolate brown eyes looked right at him. She was beautiful. He loved her and she had loved him. She was the most passionate woman he had ever met. And she was gone.

" I love you Olivia... Goodbye my angel." He spoke softly to the empty apartment.

He placed the photo on the kitchen counter next to her case file. No one had found the shooter.

He wouldn't let it rest. He would get justice for her.

 **Hope you enjoyed the story. Please review and let me know what you thought.**


	7. Epilogue-Your Guardian Angel

**So I felt like this story needed some kind of better conclusion. After writing it I went looking for a song that would tie into the Angel them. But I wasn't really coming up with anything. So this one unlike the others where the angle song is more what Rafael was seeing or feeling towards Olivia. I picked this song more as a message from Olivia. That she would do anything for him( and the squad) and be there guardian angel. So the song is Your Guardian Angle by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

 **Epilogue-Your Guardian Angel**

Rafael hung up his phone and bounded out of his seat. His heart was pounding in his throat. He left everything sitting on his desk not even bothering to grab his coat. He ran out of his office all the way to the elevator. Then the moment he was on the ground floor he broke out running again. He had a slight ringing in his ear. Everyone around him seemed to be moving in slow motion.

He briefly considered getting his car but the busy streets of Manhattan would only slow him down. He turned on his heal and continued to run in the right direction. His heart felt as though it might bust out of his chest. But his legs seemed to keep caring him faster.

Surly he looked foolish. He was dressed in nice clothing. But he was disheveled. He had not expected the call that had come over the phone. His light blue tie hung loosely around his neck and his white shirt had the top button undone. His sleeves had been rolled up over his elbows. This was on top of nice slacks and expensive shoes that he was now running down the side walk in.

He began to slow, although he had no intention of standing there. The people in front of him formed a wall. They stood there waiting for the traffic to stop so they could cross. Rafael's blood was boiling in his veins. Deep and painful sorrow filled his heart. But in a moment it was washed away but overwhelming rage.

As the crowed began to move, Rafael pushed pasted people. He did not apologize, he did not look back, he did not slow for a moment. He sprinted full force down the side walk coming to a shaky halt when he reached police tape. Cop cars, ambulances, and police officers filled the street and the side walk.

The rage that had filled him was now evaporating into full panic. He looked around franticly. He looked for any of them. Tears filled his eyes. He refused to let them fall. He needed to stay focused. He stepped off of the side walk and into the street. He walked along the police barricade.

"Barba!" A voice yelled over the commotion.

Rafael scanned the crowed until his eyes landed on her. The blond was dashing towards him. He felt like he had gone a little numb. He wasn't sure if it was the marathon run he had just completed running from his office to the precinct or if it was the anxiety that had bubbled through him since the moment the words rang into his ear on the phone.

Amanda threw her arms around Rafael as she reached him. His arms came up and returned the hug. He held her tight in his arms for only a moment calming his nerves. They pulled apart and looked at one another both taking in a few deep breaths.

Amanda motioned for them to walk. They walked in silence approaching the side walk across the street. When they were out of the street Amanda led him through the crowd. Rafael's heart returned to a semi normal pace as they came to a stop.

" Are you all okay?" Rafael said Looking Nick, Fin, Carisi, and Amanda over.

He saw some blood. Given the number of ambulances parked in the street he logically concluded none of them were severely hurt. Everyone nodded slowly. They were all clearly shaken.

"Yeah man we're alright." Carisi offer up a verbal conformation.

Rafael watched them for a moment. When no one offered up an explanation of what had happened he asked.

"What the hell happened here? I got a call that there had been a shooting. After…After what happened last year I panicked. I ran all the way from the office." Rafael said looking each of them in the eye.

They had become even closer in the last year. After they had lost Olivia they had become lost. They moved forward slowly. New faces had joined the squad room and Lieutenant Murphy and taken command. But the small group that now stood together had a special bond. They had all been changed by Olivia's death, because they had all been changed by Olivia's life.

"A call came into the squad earlier today; a man claimed that he fired the shots at the court house a year ago. He also said that as long a Josh remained on death row that none of us were safe." Fin said with a stern look on his face.

" Murphy put everyone on high alert. Keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary." Carisi added.

" But the unit is such that a lot of people are in and out of the building all day every day. Most of them don't have anything to say until they reach the squad room. We couldn't ask uni's to pat down victims as they walked in the door." Amanda said.

Rafael nodded understanding the situation.

"This guy came in about…" Amanda pause and looked at her watch

" Well almost an hour ago at this point. He was quite didn't say much. Then all the sudden he's yelling about people in jail that were framed, police brutality, freedom to bear arms, freedom of speech, excreta. He just kept going on and on we were all watching this guy's melt down. Trying to talk to him; Calm him down and find out what was going on. Then he pulled a gun and started shooting in every direction. We all hit the floor. Thankfully the squad room was relatively empty. We didn't have any victims in the room and only one witness who nick thankfully pulled to the ground and shielded. " Amanda continued

Rafael felt the lump forming in his throat again. Listening to them talk.

"Fin shot him." Nick added.

There were a few moments of silence.

"When the shooter went down we took the gun from him. He was bleeding pretty bad. I put a compress on the wound and asked him why?" Fin said.

Rafael waited.

"He told me that the squad had framed Josh. He then said that his group had wanted us all dead. But when they couldn't take us all down at the court house after his trial they settled for one." Fin said.

" After we were all cleared out of the building we did a little digging on our phones. This guys group has completely dissolved. He was the last man. I think he just wanted to see us all dead." Nick added

"Well for a gun guy he had terrible aim." Amanda said with a thankful tone to her voice.

"Yeah get this, guy fires off ten rounds. Kills a coffee pot and grazes to uniformed officers who just happened to walk into the squad room when all hell broke loose." Carisi Joined in.

" Will the officers be alright?" Rafael's face twisted quizzically.

"Yeah. They are both getting looked at now."

Rafael took a deep breath and let it out slowly he was glad to see everyone was alright.

"So this guy. He's the one that shot Olivia?" Rafael asked.

There were a few nods.

"From what he was ranting and what we found later. Plus what he told me after I shot him. Yeah. He shot Olivia." Fin said.

Rafael let that sink in. They hadn't really had any leads and after the first few weeks they didn't really have man power to keep looking. They had let the man get way. But he had come back.

"Is he dead?" Rafael asked a cold tone to his voice.

"Yeah. He died before the ambulance made it her." Fin stated

Rafael felt split by this. He had wanted to make the man suffer. Let him sit in jail and rot away. But it was just as resolving that the man was dead.

"Good." Rafael said with a nod.

"I better get back to the office. I'm glad you all are alright. Let's meet up to night. I'm sure we could all use a drink." Rafael said.

He began walking not waiting for responses. They would come. They always did.

Rafael walked quietly. He had no real intention of going back to the office right now. He allowed the thoughts that he had pushed away for so long to flood into his mind.

He remembered all the hard days after he had returned to work. All the long nights alone. He had picked up the phone dozens of times planning to call Olivia. Call and ask her about the case. Call and see if she wanted to get drinks after a case. Call and see if see if she wanted to get coffee…

The moments before he would pick up the phone were always the happiest. Thoughts of her would be filling his mind. The minute he his fingers touched the cold phone though were always the ones that broke his heart. His eyes would travel to the photo on his desk. It was a photo of the squad and him all sitting together at the bar in their favorite booth. They were all smiling. It had been a fun night. His eyes would then fall onto the smaller photo that sat next to it. One that he had framed a few months after Olivia had passed. It was just her. Nick had given it to him after her apartment had been cleared out.

Rafael didn't know its context and didn't know where it had come from. But she was smiling and she was beautiful.

Rafael made his way into the cemetery. He walked down the path until he came to Oliva's headstone. He kneeled in front of it. It still broke his heart every time he saw it. Tears ran down his face.

Rafael felt a hand on his shoulder. He raised his hand and placed it on top of the hand on his shoulder. His thumb rubbed back and forth on the back of the hand.

"I didn't know if you would come." Rafael said as he stood allowing the hand to trail down his back.

"He's dead. Fin shot him." Rafael said.

"He told Fin that he had wanted to shoot the whole squad. But when you all split up that day he had to pick someone." Rafael's voice trailed off.

"I don't know how you did it. You always put yourself out there to protect us." Rafael cried as tears once again fell down his face.

"I wanted to." Olivia said to him from her place next to him.

" I didn't want to see anyone get hurt if I could do something about it." Olivia continued

"You didn't know though. You didn't have to die. You didn't always have to protect everyone…you didn't even know and you still managed to protect them." Rafael felt a fresh wave of tears coming down him face.

"I miss you so much." He cried.

Rafael turned to her. He knew she wasn't there; just his mind comforting its self. He didn't see her like he had just after she died. The only time he saw her was when he came to place flowers on her grave. And only when he was alone. Yet somehow here he was never alone.

He threw himself into her arms. He felt her hair on his face, smelled her perfume, Felt her soft body pressed to him. They cried together. They whispered comforting words to each other. Whispered their love into each other's ears.

Rafael stood there for a long time. He let out all the pain of losing her. All the pain of the time he had to go on without her. He let out the pain of hiding his feelings for her until it was too late. He let out pain that wasn't even his. He let out the pain that the squad had held in their hearts after she was gone, the guilt of not catching the guy. He let out the pain he held for Olivia on the days she couldn't hold it for herself.

When there was no more pain, no more tears to cry, no more he could expel he crumbled to the ground. They held on another for a while. And Rafael drew in some deep breaths. He stood, Faced Olivia and Looked into her loving eyes.

"I Love you." He said with a sad smile.

"I Love you too." She whispered back. Her voice carried by the wind.

He hugged her.

"Goodbye angle" He whispered.

He walked from her grave glancing back. She was gone. The cold air nipped at his skin. The sun was getting low in the sky as he made it back to his office. He straightened his clothing and gathered his belongings. Slipped his coat on and turned out the lights.

He walked to his car and drove silently to the bar. When he arrived he saw everyone squished into their favorite booth and he joined them. He ordered his drink and joined into the conversation. Light filled their eyes. Smiles that had long been missed returned to their faces. Rafael sat sipping his drink and enjoying his family.

He glanced up looking past the people in the crowded bar. Standing in front of the door was Olivia. She smiled at him and he smiled back. They held a gaze for a moment and his eyes returned to the group. When he glanced back up she was gone. Laugher filled the evening. They would always miss Olivia, But today had brought closure. Almost a year later and the real mourning had finally passed. Things would never be the same but things could move on now.

They would always be bonded together by the time they had known Olivia. And they knew, at least Rafael knew she was smiling down on them. She was their guardian angel.

-THE END

piloug


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